Whoa whoa whoa. OK guys. Sorry I haven’t updated you in a while, my life has been very hectic these last few weeks. I’ve had so many projects, and yes as you may have noticed I got a makeover. It took much convincing on the part of Takahatchi for me to give in. T, Cleo and Farrah collaborated to create 25 different looks that fit my Qi, and I got to pick the one I wanted. After thoroughly meditating on each new ‘me’ I chose this look. Don’t you love my headband? I felt it embodied my current personality while (in the words of Cleo) “makes me look fresh and fine”. As a special thanks to all of my friends I have given them each a set of wine glasses and treated them to a night out at CAVE to show off my new look.
Whoooa. The office has been in a ruckus since Kanye West’s incident. Of course I have no idea who this Kanye West character is (or the extent of what he did), but he seemed to have caused quite a stir.
When Cleo and Farrah found out I was so behind on the news - aka celebrity gossip - they instantly strapped me to my desk and forced me to take in all the negativity of the top Hollywood sites: dlisted,tmz, etc. It turned my stomach.
WHO ARE THESE REPORTERS!? How can they sleep at night? I can feel their unbalanced aura THROUGH their pages and words. Don’t they understand that ‘hating on others’ (as Cleo would say) is soooooo bad for your spiritual balance? Don’t even get me started on the sad souls that have committed the spiritual suicide to inspire such words from these people.
I say this rarely but I need a glass of wine to chill out after this traumatizing experience.
Sooooooo, I just finished Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (of course a recommendation of Farrah’s). Ooooohhhhhh my. I felt much of what the book had to offer about various food production methods were enlightening. However, I do not know how someone can become such a submissive follower of the ’skinny’ lifestyle. Obviously, many of them are not as spiritually advanced and secure as myself.
Personally, I will stick to my established daily regimen of yoga, green tea, organic products and the occasional meal of decomposing animal flesh. It is healthy yet not obsessive. Meanwhile, Farrah has been attempting to become a vegan (attempting being the key word, she walked into the office this morning with a python clutch and sipping on a nonfat latte). Hopefully someday she will realize that she is her own spirit and can exist without the need to follow those around her.
Regardless of our dietary decisions, it is ever-important to maintain mental and physical health. I have recently purchased the Erbaviva Awaken Room and Body Spray to give me a instant revitalization when I feel sluggish while working late. Though this is not necessarily as appropriate a solution for my “toxic” lifestyle as meditation would be, it is still a sufficient pick me up when I’m short on time.
Maaaaaaaaan. What an amazing weekend getaway Ari set up for all of us. His island was absolutely perfect. But of course, time, like green tea leaves through a strainer, must move forward and I am now back to real life trying to contend with the overwhelming Feng Shui issues laid before me. Mainly, the Viva Swag office.
Yes... give me strength yogi master... the office is still a wreck. Soon after reaching an organizational truce with Takahatchi, I was met with the challenge of Kip. Not only did he return from Ireland bringing his souvenirs with him but he also had giant bag full of other... stuff from past trips. He then proceeded to dump it all over our computer workspace. It looked like a flea market exploded. So I channeled my soft calming voice, and began organizing while Cleopatra yelled at him for not bringing her back a decent gift from leprechaun land. While going through the... stuff, I was surprised to find that he did have one intriguing piece: a Jasmine Rose Soapstone Jar from India.
I stared at in awe when all of a sudden I heard a sniffle from the doorway. Meadow was standing there holding a bottle of Chianti Riserva and Fredrica was right behind her shrugging her shoulders. Apparently Meadow had been at CAVE all afternoon drinking wine and now had stumbled into the office looking for Kip. Thank my yogi stars that both Fredrica and I were there to walk her home and prevent her from making a fool of herself. I gave her the Soapstone Jar to remind her of the good old days with Kip. I knew he wouldn't miss it. She smiled thankfully. And then... oh mannnnn... she did the strangest thing. She THREW it across the street breaking it into a million pieces. So uncharacteristic for our Meadow, America's Sweetheart... it must've been the wine.
Ahhhhh my dear students. Here I am, at peace on my personalized getaway put together by Viva Swag’s very own Kip. I had to get away from the chaos of Los Angeles last Tuesday for MJ’s memorial service. All the traffic and commotion was throwing off my energy.
On a lighter note, after completing Farrah’s home rejuvenation I have decided to share my Feng Shui wisdom with the rest of my Swag-xpert colleagues. Since her revamp Farrah has been glowing (minus her slight flare up about her shoes) and I feel everyone should have the opportunity to feel equal joy. I’ve already started on the cluttered office, unfortunately Takahatchi refuses to move his chests of beauty supplies claiming I must first rid the space of my “tacky” Rosey Red hanging. He thinks his criticism of my natural appeal will be enough to make me break, he has yet to meet the fire within me.
First of all I would like Farrah to know that I understand her frustration about me trying on her shoes. Secondly, I would like her to know that my feet did not smell. It's unfortunate that she is not a fan of Patchouli. Thirdly, I would like my dear Farrah to know that she must learn that shoes are of this earth, she can't take them with her to the other side so she really needs to just chillllll out and not be so attached.
Which brings me to the tragedies of last week. Both Farrah and Cleopatra have been consumed with grief, mourning the loss of our dear friends Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. They were so upset that they huddled in Cleopatra's home theater watching the Thriller video on repeat, drowning their sorrows in Chateau St. Michelle Eroica Riesling 2007.
I would like to give them some advice. Do as I have done. Contact Viva Swag's own travel guru, Kip Deshler, to help organize a journey that will center and direct your life in a more efficient manner. Try lighting a Lavender Soy Candle and looking over potential destinations and you will feel much more at peace than drinking until you pass out.
Ohhhhh! Excuse me! Caught with a tofu cake in my mouth... one must strive to abstain from earthly pleasures, but alas, try one of Farrah's Chef's tofu cakes and the temptation is unbearable. It's my new achille's heel. Yeahhhh even we spiritual types have achille's heels'.
Heyyyyyy speaking of heels, Farrah's revamp is finally complete. By midnight last night I had made it to her walk in closet and set to arranging all two hundred and eighty-seven pairs in perfect feng shui order. Even I was impressed. What further surprised me was that in going through her shoes, I discovered these Strappy Braided Sandals. I only wear Birkenstocks... but I did to try them on just to see, you know if they looked good... I walked around in them... gliding over her Peacock Rug... I sat in her Studio Leather Chair... daintily crossing my legs... I modeled them in front of her full length mirror... But of course, they're sooooo not me.
Please don't tell Farrah though. My feet haven't been washed in a couple days and I don't believe in pedicures. Au natural, that's my motto.
Whoooooooa. Farrah is proving to be quite a challenge. For the last week and a half I've slowly worked through her living spaces and am now in the final stages of finishing the master suite.
Her bedroom was daunting to say the least. The over abundance of furniture left little room for breathing and though beautiful they were placed in entirely the wrong positions. My Qi (pronounced Chi) slowly tangled just looking at it. Not only that, piles of cough drop wrappers (from her husband's famed diet line) and outfits from her late night adventures (with cough drops stuck to them) were scattered everywhere. But, one must do, what one must do, so I dug in and began to rearrange the twisted world that is Farrah's life.
Only eleven hours later and the space finally started to show some transformation. I took most of the furniture to the attic and kept only the most calming pieces. I then made a few subtle additions: an oversized, lightweight Organic Down Comforter and a pair of Spun Bamboo Laminate Table Lamps for the bedside tables. And whooaaaaa. The energy totally started to gel. Farrah couldn't believe the difference it made. There is still, however, much work to be done so I sent her back to the Beverly Hills Hotel with express instructions to work on her tan and center her being.
Slow and steady is the way I have to move through Farrah's. Yes, it has indeed been a challenge, but with focus, patience and the delicious tofu cakes her personal chef makes, I will prevail.
Heyyyyyyy. Soooooo, today when I walked up to my Yoga studio for my daily Iyengar Yoga class, I was met with quite a shocking scene. I saw that yesterday's surprise thunder and lightning storm had taken its toll. There was a tree lying across my spiritual haven and a note on the door that said "Class canceled due to extenuating circumstances." Not only that, Farrah Sterling was there. She was pacing back and forth, shouting crude words into her blackberry, saying her day was off because she was "missing #&^%$ yoga." This was the first time I'd ever seen Farrah at class. Odd. Well, anyway, trying to protect my own zen state, I tried to sneak away, but when she noticed me, she gave me a $50,000 smile (Botox really does do wonders) and motioned for me to wait for her. I just kept breathing and focusing, then, head held high and light emanating from within, I walked over.
Farrah proceeded to go on and on and on about the unfairness of life and then requested my feng shui services to "bring some sense into the insanity, dahling". I immediately knew the universe had put me in this position to help my fellow human being. I graciously accepted.
Farrah was thrilled that I was taking her case on and we hopped in her Maserati and flew over to Beverly Hills. Her estate was palatial and beautiful, but inside, her home was a jumbled mess. Energy was flowing in the entirely wrong direction and elements were placed in agitated combinations. Interestingly enough, I did spot some promise in her bar ware collection. Among throngs of crystal and even a diamond and emerald encrusted goblet I found a set of classic, stemless Riedel glasses. There was hope.
Unfortunately, I had an appointment with a Viva Swag client and had to run. But I will be back! Farrah's feng shui reconstruction is going to be quite the challenge and she needs me.
Heyyyyy. Saige Harmony here. You can call me Saige, or Saige Harmony, or S.H. or really whatever you want, because ultimately my name is not me, and I am not my name. I am just me, which is a being which is the true beauty of living.
To take it deeper because I really like to take it deep and I’m so deep I’m like… bottomless… You are Art. I am Art. Art is me being the Viva Swag Celebrity Spokesperson for all things artful in the urban home, which means, conversely, that the artful home is Life and Life is this BLOG.
My mission at Viva Swag is to find articles of true beauty which will rock your world. The kind of products which emanate inner peace, breathless satisfaction, being-ness, chakras aligning and mantras beginning. Right on. Ohm and Peace out.
As a baby I spread my peas on my plate and threw it against the wall screaming “Money Peas!” Inherently I knew that my parent's Feng Shui was off and by throwing them on the wall they realized they needed to move their canned goods to the other side of the kitchen. Soon after they did this we were wealthy and my career blossomed. I can’t tell you how thankful I am to the Universe for my gift. It is my life's passion to make every home I enter a temple of wealth, beauty, success and love. (Saige Harmony Hollingsworth is a pseudonym owned by vivaswag.com)
