Skinny Bitch and Decomposing Animal Flesh

Sooooooo, I just finished Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (of course a recommendation of Farrah’s). Ooooohhhhhh my. I felt much of what the book had to offer about various food production methods were enlightening. However, I do not know how someone can become such a submissive follower of the ’skinny’ lifestyle. Obviously, many of them are not as spiritually advanced and secure as myself.

Personally, I will stick to my established daily regimen of yoga, green tea, organic products and the occasional meal of decomposing animal flesh. It is healthy yet not obsessive. Meanwhile, Farrah has been attempting to become a vegan (attempting being the key word, she walked into the office this morning with a python clutch and sipping on a nonfat latte). Hopefully someday she will realize that she is her own spirit and can exist without the need to follow those around her.

Regardless of our dietary decisions, it is ever-important to maintain mental and physical health. I have recently purchased the Erbaviva Awaken Room and Body Spray to give me a instant revitalization when I feel sluggish while working late. Though this is not necessarily as appropriate a solution for my “toxic” lifestyle as meditation would be, it is still a sufficient pick me up when I’m short on time.

Give Me Strength Yogi Master

Maaaaaaaaan. What an amazing weekend getaway Ari set up for all of us. His island was absolutely perfect. But of course, time, like green tea leaves through a strainer, must move forward and I am now back to real life trying to contend with the overwhelming Feng Shui issues laid before me. Mainly, the Viva Swag office.

Yes... give me strength yogi master... the office is still a wreck. Soon after reaching an organizational truce with Takahatchi, I was met with the challenge of Kip. Not only did he return from Ireland bringing his souvenirs with him but he also had giant bag full of other... stuff from past trips. He then proceeded to dump it all over our computer workspace. It looked like a flea market exploded. So I channeled my soft calming voice, and began organizing while Cleopatra yelled at him for not bringing her back a decent gift from leprechaun land. While going through the... stuff, I was surprised to find that he did have one intriguing piece: a Jasmine Rose Soapstone Jar from India.

I stared at in awe when all of a sudden I heard a sniffle from the doorway. Meadow was standing there holding a bottle of Chianti Riserva and Fredrica was right behind her shrugging her shoulders. Apparently Meadow had been at CAVE all afternoon drinking wine and now had stumbled into the office looking for Kip. Thank my yogi stars that both Fredrica and I were there to walk her home and prevent her from making a fool of herself. I gave her the Soapstone Jar to remind her of the good old days with Kip. I knew he wouldn't miss it. She smiled thankfully. And then... oh mannnnn... she did the strangest thing. She THREW it across the street breaking it into a million pieces. So uncharacteristic for our Meadow, America's Sweetheart... it must've been the wine.

A Turned Page

Ahhhhh my dear students. Here I am, at peace on my personalized getaway put together by Viva Swag’s very own Kip. I had to get away from the chaos of Los Angeles last Tuesday for MJ’s memorial service. All the traffic and commotion was throwing off my energy.

On a lighter note, after completing Farrah’s home rejuvenation I have decided to share my Feng Shui wisdom with the rest of my Swag-xpert colleagues. Since her revamp Farrah has been glowing (minus her slight flare up about her shoes) and I feel everyone should have the opportunity to feel equal joy. I’ve already started on the cluttered office, unfortunately Takahatchi refuses to move his chests of beauty supplies claiming I must first rid the space of my “tacky” Rosey Red hanging. He thinks his criticism of my natural appeal will be enough to make me break, he has yet to meet the fire within me.

Patchouli and Soy Candles

First of all I would like Farrah to know that I understand her frustration about me trying on her shoes. Secondly, I would like her to know that my feet did not smell. It's unfortunate that she is not a fan of Patchouli. Thirdly, I would like my dear Farrah to know that she must learn that shoes are of this earth, she can't take them with her to the other side so she really needs to just chillllll out and not be so attached.

Which brings me to the tragedies of last week. Both Farrah and Cleopatra have been consumed with grief, mourning the loss of our dear friends Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. They were so upset that they huddled in Cleopatra's home theater watching the Thriller video on repeat, drowning their sorrows in Chateau St. Michelle Eroica Riesling 2007.

I would like to give them some advice. Do as I have done. Contact Viva Swag's own travel guru, Kip Deshler, to help organize a journey that will center and direct your life in a more efficient manner. Try lighting a Lavender Soy Candle and looking over potential destinations and you will feel much more at peace than drinking until you pass out.