Shoes for Saige

Ohhhhh! Excuse me! Caught with a tofu cake in my mouth... one must strive to abstain from earthly pleasures, but alas, try one of Farrah's Chef's tofu cakes and the temptation is unbearable. It's my new achille's heel. Yeahhhh even we spiritual types have achille's heels'.

Heyyyyyy speaking of heels, Farrah's revamp is finally complete. By midnight last night I had made it to her walk in closet and set to arranging all two hundred and eighty-seven pairs in perfect feng shui order. Even I was impressed. What further surprised me was that in going through her shoes, I discovered these Strappy Braided Sandals. I only wear Birkenstocks... but I did to try them on just to see, you know if they looked good... I walked around in them... gliding over her Peacock Rug... I sat in her Studio Leather Chair... daintily crossing my legs... I modeled them in front of her full length mirror... But of course, they're sooooo not me.

Please don't tell Farrah though. My feet haven't been washed in a couple days and I don't believe in pedicures. Au natural, that's my motto.

Reaching the Perfect Balance

Whoooooooa. Farrah is proving to be quite a challenge. For the last week and a half I've slowly worked through her living spaces and am now in the final stages of finishing the master suite.

Her bedroom was daunting to say the least. The over abundance of furniture left little room for breathing and though beautiful they were placed in entirely the wrong positions. My Qi (pronounced Chi) slowly tangled just looking at it. Not only that, piles of cough drop wrappers (from her husband's famed diet line) and outfits from her late night adventures (with cough drops stuck to them) were scattered everywhere. But, one must do, what one must do, so I dug in and began to rearrange the twisted world that is Farrah's life.

Only eleven hours later and the space finally started to show some transformation. I took most of the furniture to the attic and kept only the most calming pieces. I then made a few subtle additions: an oversized, lightweight Organic Down Comforter and a pair of Spun Bamboo Laminate Table Lamps for the bedside tables. And whooaaaaa. The energy totally started to gel. Farrah couldn't believe the difference it made. There is still, however, much work to be done so I sent her back to the Beverly Hills Hotel with express instructions to work on her tan and center her being.

Slow and steady is the way I have to move through Farrah's. Yes, it has indeed been a challenge, but with focus, patience and the delicious tofu cakes her personal chef makes, I will prevail.

Light Emanating From Within

Heyyyyyyy. Soooooo, today when I walked up to my Yoga studio for my daily Iyengar Yoga class, I was met with quite a shocking scene. I saw that yesterday's surprise thunder and lightning storm had taken its toll. There was a tree lying across my spiritual haven and a note on the door that said "Class canceled due to extenuating circumstances." Not only that, Farrah Sterling was there. She was pacing back and forth, shouting crude words into her blackberry, saying her day was off because she was "missing #&^%$ yoga." This was the first time I'd ever seen Farrah at class. Odd. Well, anyway, trying to protect my own zen state, I tried to sneak away, but when she noticed me, she gave me a $50,000 smile (Botox really does do wonders) and motioned for me to wait for her. I just kept breathing and focusing, then, head held high and light emanating from within, I walked over.

Farrah proceeded to go on and on and on about the unfairness of life and then requested my feng shui services to "bring some sense into the insanity, dahling". I immediately knew the universe had put me in this position to help my fellow human being. I graciously accepted.

Farrah was thrilled that I was taking her case on and we hopped in her Maserati and flew over to Beverly Hills. Her estate was palatial and beautiful, but inside, her home was a jumbled mess. Energy was flowing in the entirely wrong direction and elements were placed in agitated combinations. Interestingly enough, I did spot some promise in her bar ware collection. Among throngs of crystal and even a diamond and emerald encrusted goblet I found a set of classic, stemless Riedel glasses. There was hope.

Unfortunately, I had an appointment with a Viva Swag client and had to run. But I will be back! Farrah's feng shui reconstruction is going to be quite the challenge and she needs me.