Dear Ms. Sterling

I never stoop to calling names, that's so un-enlightened. But I have taken one hit too many and even those gifted with a clean and calm spirit must stick up for themselves every once in a while. So in answer to Farrah's snide comment that I have a "pathetic life," I proudly say I would rather be pathetic than spiritually void as you are!

Further, I would like Dear Ms. Sterling to know that I am very much in the loop, I know exactly what is going on in Hollywood and who Britney Spears is and about her tour. I just choose to see you, Hollywood and Brit as her initials: B.S.

It's so obvious that you're all lost souls. Your charity, Project Premium Nugget? Dear, dear Farrah. There are more important things in life than ensuring that no rat dogs chihuahuas go hungry. Worrying about your tan or your "starving" canines is so trivial...

Lastly, Ms. Sterling, I am not uninformed about Hollywood happenings (how can I be working with you, Cleo, and Fredrica?). I simply do not feel that the new face or most recent scandal is significant in the grand scheme of things. So please, leave me and my personal interests out of your starstruck drama. Now I shall have a delicious cup of tea from my gorgeous glass teapot to rid me of this bit of negativity that has seeped into my life.

Peace, love, and feng shui,

Saige

'Tis the Season

My followers,

I'm sorry for such a lack in updates. My life has been a whirlwind of events ranging from puppy pow wows to ice sculpting competitions. Now that I've finally caught up on year end correspondence with my new winter pine holiday cards, I am ready to settle down for the next few weeks with a nice book and cup of hot tea.

I wish you a happy holiday season and hope you are enjoying the festivities as much as I am.

Fresh and Fine

Whoa whoa whoa. OK guys. Sorry I haven’t updated you in a while, my life has been very hectic these last few weeks. I’ve had so many projects, and yes as you may have noticed I got a makeover. It took much convincing on the part of Takahatchi for me to give in. T, Cleo and Farrah collaborated to create 25 different looks that fit my Qi, and I got to pick the one I wanted.
After thoroughly meditating on each new ‘me’ I chose this look. Don’t you love my headband? I felt it embodied my current personality while (in the words of Cleo) “makes me look fresh and fine”. As a special thanks to all of my friends I have given them each a set of wine glasses and treated them to a night out at CAVE to show off my new look.

Hating on Others is Bad for Your Spiritual Balance

Whoooa. The office has been in a ruckus since Kanye West’s incident. Of course I have no idea who this Kanye West character is (or the extent of what he did), but he seemed to have caused quite a stir.

When Cleo and Farrah found out I was so behind on the news - aka celebrity gossip - they instantly strapped me to my desk and forced me to take in all the negativity of the top Hollywood sites: dlisted,tmz, etc. It turned my stomach.

WHO ARE THESE REPORTERS!? How can they sleep at night? I can feel their unbalanced aura THROUGH their pages and words. Don’t they understand that ‘hating on others’ (as Cleo would say) is soooooo bad for your spiritual balance? Don’t even get me started on the sad souls that have committed the spiritual suicide to inspire such words from these people.

I say this rarely but I need a glass of wine to chill out after this traumatizing experience.

Skinny Bitch and Decomposing Animal Flesh

Sooooooo, I just finished Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (of course a recommendation of Farrah’s). Ooooohhhhhh my. I felt much of what the book had to offer about various food production methods were enlightening. However, I do not know how someone can become such a submissive follower of the ’skinny’ lifestyle. Obviously, many of them are not as spiritually advanced and secure as myself.

Personally, I will stick to my established daily regimen of yoga, green tea, organic products and the occasional meal of decomposing animal flesh. It is healthy yet not obsessive. Meanwhile, Farrah has been attempting to become a vegan (attempting being the key word, she walked into the office this morning with a python clutch and sipping on a nonfat latte). Hopefully someday she will realize that she is her own spirit and can exist without the need to follow those around her.

Regardless of our dietary decisions, it is ever-important to maintain mental and physical health. I have recently purchased the Erbaviva Awaken Room and Body Spray to give me a instant revitalization when I feel sluggish while working late. Though this is not necessarily as appropriate a solution for my “toxic” lifestyle as meditation would be, it is still a sufficient pick me up when I’m short on time.

Give Me Strength Yogi Master

Maaaaaaaaan. What an amazing weekend getaway Ari set up for all of us. His island was absolutely perfect. But of course, time, like green tea leaves through a strainer, must move forward and I am now back to real life trying to contend with the overwhelming Feng Shui issues laid before me. Mainly, the Viva Swag office.

Yes... give me strength yogi master... the office is still a wreck. Soon after reaching an organizational truce with Takahatchi, I was met with the challenge of Kip. Not only did he return from Ireland bringing his souvenirs with him but he also had giant bag full of other... stuff from past trips. He then proceeded to dump it all over our computer workspace. It looked like a flea market exploded. So I channeled my soft calming voice, and began organizing while Cleopatra yelled at him for not bringing her back a decent gift from leprechaun land. While going through the... stuff, I was surprised to find that he did have one intriguing piece: a Jasmine Rose Soapstone Jar from India.

I stared at in awe when all of a sudden I heard a sniffle from the doorway. Meadow was standing there holding a bottle of Chianti Riserva and Fredrica was right behind her shrugging her shoulders. Apparently Meadow had been at CAVE all afternoon drinking wine and now had stumbled into the office looking for Kip. Thank my yogi stars that both Fredrica and I were there to walk her home and prevent her from making a fool of herself. I gave her the Soapstone Jar to remind her of the good old days with Kip. I knew he wouldn't miss it. She smiled thankfully. And then... oh mannnnn... she did the strangest thing. She THREW it across the street breaking it into a million pieces. So uncharacteristic for our Meadow, America's Sweetheart... it must've been the wine.

A Turned Page

Ahhhhh my dear students. Here I am, at peace on my personalized getaway put together by Viva Swag’s very own Kip. I had to get away from the chaos of Los Angeles last Tuesday for MJ’s memorial service. All the traffic and commotion was throwing off my energy.

On a lighter note, after completing Farrah’s home rejuvenation I have decided to share my Feng Shui wisdom with the rest of my Swag-xpert colleagues. Since her revamp Farrah has been glowing (minus her slight flare up about her shoes) and I feel everyone should have the opportunity to feel equal joy. I’ve already started on the cluttered office, unfortunately Takahatchi refuses to move his chests of beauty supplies claiming I must first rid the space of my “tacky” Rosey Red hanging. He thinks his criticism of my natural appeal will be enough to make me break, he has yet to meet the fire within me.